Leisa's Daily Muse

Seeking

2006-09-03T14:30:00.000-07:00

A word or two for new-found friends, fellow seekers of life in all its forms

Blessed and happy, yet never content for long to be bound by our workaday roles, we cross borders, boundaries, three states, two countries, a continent to come together in search of something we know is not home.

An eagle or twenty, king fisher, gulls, gulls & gulls.
And don’t forget the heron, goofy as he stands, graceful as he flies.

We are seeking something. Show us more life.

Is it in the ripple of the bow as it cuts through a morning bay, still and calm as glass? Is it in the drops of paddle spray that hits our faces as we bounce and strain against the afternoon’s turn of wind?

We are seeking something. Show us more life.

Certainly it is in the powerful, yet gentle burst of porpoise breath. First behind us, now in front. Be still. They are there, and there, and there.

We are seeking something. Show us more life.

Below the hull, it is in the forests of kelp, the meadows of rock weed, rock gardens of barnacles, starfish & urchins.

The one thing we say we are here to seek is the mystical, graceful curve of the orca. Are they near us today? Can we go after them? We can catch ‘em, I know we can.

Finally we see them, far and farther off; even so, they are there.

So now we’ve seen them, and still we seek. Show us more life.

And holding us together are the selfless ones; the ones who’ve given up the touch-base home to be the seekers who show the way.

Would we even truly seek in this way if not for cook, guide, dishwasher, weather-watcher, safety officer, storyteller, naturalist and cheerleader to shoulder the burden of things we would prefer to take for granted?

They seek and find the orcas. Surely they also find something in the ever-changing faces of those in their care.

And so together by choice, chance and fate, we seek life.

In a magical week of water, wind, clouds, sun and rain, we have found it many places we expected; in the flora and fauna of sky & sea.

But unexpected, we have found it also, and perhaps most profound, in the and spirit of the new found friends, those who seek beside us.

Bound

2006-05-31T15:24:00.000-07:00

Bind me, tie me, anchor me with your love.

Give me the latitude and impetus to explore the corners of the wild universe, but never let me forget that you expect me home by dinner, encircled by your arms at midnight.

The more steadfast you possess me, the farther I am inspired to reach away.

Some say "Hold on loosely." To that I say "No."

Hold me tight, bind me in your devotion, possess me in your heart, and then delight as you see me sprint away from you, like a newly-balanced toddler, running, running, wobbling, daring, ever looking back to see how far you will let me go.

Always farther than I want. Each time farther. And the farther I go, the longer I stay away, the faster I come running back to have you bind me again.

Unguarded heart

2006-05-30T08:15:00.000-07:00

Fire the Centuries. No retirement, no unemployment insurance, no job retraining. If they have not saved up for this day, let them eat cake.

Yes, they have served their mistress well. Guarding the gates, fighting back those whose sought to peek in, rebuffing those who dared think they might enter.

They did these things well. Exactly as instructed, and she is not grateful. There is no justice.

Find a new fortress. This one is now laid bare, open to all marauders.

Two in one day

2006-05-17T22:27:00.000-07:00

Yes, amazing I know. Especially since I am the only one who ever even looks at this. But then, who could blame you for not looking...there has been nothing here.

That's all about to change my friends (promises, promises). In any event, here is something that seems to be getting a favorable response. I hope you enjoy.

A love no less

Find a love who will lift you up

Find a love whose heart’s desire is to see you soar to heights and happiness beyond your imagining

Find a love who will meet your shortcomings with humor, tenderness and compassion

Find a love who longs for not what you can give, but for who you are

Find a love who is steadfast for you even as you are fickle

Find a love who is not afraid to grow and be led by the worlds you open

Find a love with an adventurer’s heart, a warrior’s soul and the spirit and wonder of a wise child

For you my love, find a love no less than this

Copyright © 2006 Leisa L. Ashbaugh

A 13-month hiatus

2006-03-27T13:00:00.000-08:00

I was not sure if a 13-month hiatus even qualifies as a hiatus, so it looked it up.

Main Entry: hi·a·tus
Pronunciation: hI-'A-t&s
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin, from hiare to yawn -- more at YAWN
1 a : a break in or as if in a material object : GAP b : a gap or passage in an anatomical part or organ
2 a : an interruption in time or continuity : BREAK b : the occurrence of two vowel sounds without pause or intervening consonantal sound

Well, 13 months is a hell of a gap, so I guess I'm ok using that word.

Now for my excuses, or should I my life? A brief history of Leisa's Life in 13 one sentence installments:

1. February 2005 - Inspired by the new year, I had created goals, dreams, aspirations that THIS, 2005 would be the year to, fall in love, buy a new mountain bike, buy a house, change jobs to work for Mission Control full time, go on a tropical vacation, write & blog & write & blog until I was rich, famous & published -- and that was just for starters.

2. March 2005 - While testing a new mountain bike (the one of my above-mentioned dreams), a slow tip-over, foot caught in the pedal spill rendered my leg quite fully & spiraly broken in two. Ouch!

3. April 2005 - Recovering from surgery and a major interuption in my life's plan, as in butt firmly planted on couch or in wheelchair for a good 8 weeks before I was allowed to hobble with a cast, fearing I would go quite insane - saved by visits & support from loving and generous friends (and of course mom & dad).

4. May 2005 - Finally the OK to walk (hobble really) in a cast and in true over-the-top Leisa form, I embarked on a 12-day cross country trip that included at least 10 different trips to the airport, SEA to CHI& back to lead Mission Control on one foot, Seattle to SFO with the dog, Gael, rent car & drive to Santa Rosa, Saturday turn in Gael to CCI, then SFO to LAX to deliver Mission Control to my first corporate sale, and then back to SEA. All this, one footed, with luggage, dog & powerpoint projector in tow.

5. June 2005 - a blur, but I do recall finalizing plans for a cruise to the ABC islands with 3 of my fave gal pals in August. Something to look forward to. Oh yes, and to LAX & back to start WDLP.

6. July 2005 - Hot, hating summer without being able to walk, run, or play much. Looking forward to Cruise.

7. August 2005 - Quit Entirenet and begin at Mission Control as FTE. Cruise, much fun, HOT. Great time with the gals.

8. September 2005 - A blur, ramping up at Mission Control.

9. October 2005 - Blurier. Ramping up, not so uppity. Dean says he is leaving Mission Control, that scoundrel. He didn't even have the decency to ask my permission. On my own again, naturally.

10. November 2005 - Now it gets downright foggy. Just remember not achieving the sales goals I had set for myself and how NOT much fun that was.

11. December 2005 - Uh huh, and hoping that hitting the holiday "reset" button (typified by a semi-comatose, yet to all appearences conscious and sentient state) would make all the difference.

12. January 2006 - oops - it didn't. A new year and in my frame of mind at the time, looking back at the year that started out grand and ended up not at all how I had planned (and not in a good way.)

13. February 2006 - It is clear some changes will be made. I get fierce about not accepting the status quo.

14. March 2006 - MC & me are on the same page, time for a change. Update resume and 13 days later, a GREAT new job!!! At Microsoft, with people!

Holy smoke and now it May. Too much to tell in this post. I promise more.

Someone else's pith

2005-02-16T08:01:00.000-08:00

Well I haven't been too forthcoming with many pithy posts for you (although I have several in draft), so I thought the least I could do was to share some pith & insight from the very classy Peggy Noonan regarding the blogzilla vs. main stream media (aka in blog cirlces as MSM).

Read. Learn. Enjoy.

UPDATE

My favorite sentence (emphasis added):

"I have seen friends savaged by blogs and winced for them--but, well, too bad. I've been attacked. Too bad. If you can't take it, you shouldn't be thinking aloud for a living."

Indeed. Words to blog by.

Who said it

2005-02-08T07:16:00.000-08:00

I promise, this is not a political blog, but some things I just can't resist. Dems are slamming President Bush for considering offering as an individual option privatizing a portion of Social Security for younger workers.

But, who said this?

"Well one thing you could do is to give people one or two percent of the payroll tax, with the same options that Federal employees have with their retirement accounts; where you have three mutual funds that almost always perform as well or better than the market and a fourth option to buy government bonds, so you get the guaranteed social security return and a hundred percent safety just like you have with Social Security."

For once I agree with.....drumroll.....Bill Clinton. Hat tip Q & O

Who are you? Who, who? Who, who? Tell me who are you, you, you, you .....

2005-02-07T15:02:00.000-08:00

I would love to hear your comments on the site. The comments feature here is a little odd. Looks like you only have 2 options: comment anonymously, or be a blogger user to comment with your id. So, if you don't want a blogger account, I have no problem with anonymous comments, but I also would love to know who commented, so if you want, you could let me know who you are in the text of the comments.

thanks muchly, Leisa

Be gentle with me

2005-02-07T14:42:00.000-08:00

Hey - did I mention that I was new to this, and that I was going to do my best to make it a habit to update the site with my brilliant thoughts, opinions and observations on life on a regular basis? The operative phrase being "do my best". Which basically means - I'm promising nothing in the way of regular posts. (Now of course, I am making no promises, but I do request that you check back often just in case I have deigned to share some brilliance.)

Ok. Actually, a big thanks to a couple of friends who have given me grief for having a blog with the word "daily" in the title and then letting nearly 3 weeks go by between posts. (On that topic, I do have a new blog name in the works - stay tuned.)

I am trying to learn from one of my favorite bloggers, Jim Treacher, that a few choice - or even a few snarky - sentences are better than nothing.

This is a post. So there. Thanks for caring.

Update: Things I know I should do, but also know I probably won't

2005-01-19T07:58:00.000-08:00

Happily, I was surprised to notice that I have actually been doing a few of these things. For example:

drink more water
write daily - well, not every day, but way more than in previous months

Ok, well maybe it's only those two. Nevermind....

Smugness is never attractive

2005-01-18T09:58:00.000-08:00

I was startled into remembering this fact early this morning, upon returning to my company e-mail inbox and learning that three of my friends and colleagues had been laid off. This took me (and I am sure them) by complete surprise. Perhaps it shouldn't have; our workload has experienced a significant lull. But, we've had lulls before, without layoffs.

In the instant I read the message, I was completely present to my smugness. Great job, good pay, flexible schedule. Na na na, I've got it better than you who bitch about your job. Ooops, except that I have been bitching about my job, too. Why? No real reason. Other than maybe it's too good, too easy, runs too smoothly = predictable, low stress, boring, dull. Careful what you wish for. Nothing to turn up the adrenaline meter in a hurry like the threat of impending loss of one's livelihood. Especially one's good paying, low stress, flexible schedule livelihood. Now maybe I haven't even really been bitching about my job or engaging in smuggness, as in out loud to people, but I know I have in my head. And experience has taught me that my indulged thoughts eventually, even (and sometimes especially) against my better judgment, inevitably leak out my mouth.

So where might this hopefully internal smugness have been on display? Well, we just recently had our company party. Swanky dinner and overnight at a swanky hotel. In the spirit of the event, perhaps a bit too much wine. And with it, a sharp witted tongue perhaps too freely employed. Suddenly I am wracking my brain. What exactly did I say? To whom? Whatever, whomever it was, I remember that they laughed and acted impressed and amused by my banter. Just the reaction I was looking for. Score one for me. Aren't I clever, aren't I funny.

Only I am pretty sure than none of my quips were of gratitude and appreciation. For the job. For the brilliant and supportive people I work with. For the unique and flexible work environment they've created. I am deathly afraid that some of the bitching about being bored, some of the smugness may have leaked out. And even if it didn't, in light of the new challenges my former colleagues are now faced with, for my indulgent thoughts, I find myself ashamed, worried, humbled.

Now this is why I sometimes think its best that I spend my evenings at home. Alone. On my couch. With my dog. And TV. It's tough to cause trouble for myself that way. No leakage.

And the lesson for me? It takes energy and daily practice to maintain a true attitude of gratitude. To remain humble in the face of generous blessings. See, I had even gotten smug about that; "I am a person who makes a point to be thankful for the blessings in my life." Good for me, aren't I smart, aren't I clever?

I bet if I practiced daily living in a state of humility and gratitude, I wouldn't have to worry about what might leak out of my mouth, regardless of wine consumption.

Things I know I should do, but also know I probably won't

2005-01-02T07:27:00.000-08:00

Well, it is a New Year. I evaded the 1/1 hangover by developing a nasty cold instead and therefore spending the evening bundled on my couch in fleece jammies, with down comforter, surrounded by an unsighly collection of used tissue that didn't quite make it to the trash. My only comfort was my faithful love-bug pooch, Gael-pup - and a 12:15am Happy New Year call from the friends who had been expecting me to bring the noise makers and silly hats. Sounded like they made do quite well with pots & pans and newpaper for hats.

Now to the list:

back-up my computer weekly
re-boot my computer daily
wash my sheets weekly
lose 30 pounds
pay my bills on time - meaning, on that one evening every 2 weeks that I have set aside for that joyous occassion
watch less TV
go to the gym more
mountain bike more
ski more
eat less
drink less
go to the coffee shop to work
write daily
drink more water
eat more veggies
cook at home
plan my meals
tithe
save for retirement before vacation
take my dog for longer walks
hmmmmm...the initial cavaldade that I had felt welled up, petered out sooner than I thought; but now that I have started I know there is more....stay tuned...

So I have been reading blogs posts instead of writing them

2004-10-28T15:02:00.000-07:00

HCB - Too funny!

Also loving to see this - The Choice

Temptation

2004-09-15T07:35:00.000-07:00

Well, like everything I guess, it takes a while to develop a new habit and make it seem like that is how it has always been. This is my 2nd post and it still seems like a very foreign activity. Thinking maybe I should first spend a few more days in my journal getting my chops back before posting for all the world to see. But then, I have been thinking that for a while and still no pen has jumped in my hand or paper in my lap.

I have been thinking about temptation. Not the kind where you are tempted to do or have too much of something you like (for example: chocolate - it has never been a particular temptation for me, but most people can relate at least). No, I have been thinking of the kind of temptation that keeps you from doing the things, taking the action (many times, often times, the very simple action) that would make the biggest difference in achieving a goal or completing an accomplishment.

I have been thinking of that kind of temptation. The quagmire of quick-sand standing between you and your nirvana. The siren-song of sameness which seduces and tempts you with the comfort of status-quo. The flow of the familiar.

Confession: I haven't been just thinking of temptation - I have been gripped by it. Seduced, trapped, engulfed into tortuous inaction; when in truth, the path to my chosen goal is simple and clear. And I don't even need to specify which goal (I have many). Temptation's refrain is the same for all:
"Don't change."
"It's fine the way it is."
"It's too scary, too big a risk."
"What if you do? What if you don't? "
"Figure it out first, and then move ahead."

Forgive my dramaticism, but I have been thinking of temptation, awed by its strength, and then suddenly struck by the power of the simple phrase "Get behind me Satan!" Now, I have been doing lots of navel-gazing and mental gyrations, but that is one I haven't tried. Perhaps it's time.

My first post

2004-09-13T13:28:00.000-07:00

Greetings - I have finally joined the blogosphere. Maybe it was just the name that did it. I had heard of blogs a couple of years ago. I even signed up for one. But it was not until during the 'CBS false National Guard documents' flap that I learned of the existence of an actual "blogosphere". Blogs, blogging, bloggers (Ok, how do you spell this stuff? It is defiantly not in spell-check) - those I could live with out, but I was certainly not going to be left out of the blogosphere.

So, next is making time in my life, scheduling an occasion in my calendar to blog away. Since this is impromptu today for the first time, I am already past my allotted play time. I am looking forward to coming back for more. Perhaps you will too.